Spoiled rotten children don’t just exist in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”, far from it. And there are even unmistakable signs. But to fix it, don’t worry, no need for Willy Wonka.
Raising a child is a long-term struggle. While giving the necessary space to his free expression and his development , it is essential to quickly set limits, barriers, always perilous but fundamental. History of not tasting this haunt so publicized, and illustrated by our favorite tales for centuries and centuries: the “rotten spoiled child”. Or, as some specialists state, the child king. Whoever from the top of his throne leads you by the end of the nose. So what do we recognize them for? And what should be done to rectify their somewhat inappropriate attitude? Do not panic, follow the guide.
They are never satisfied
The golden rule of a spoiled rotten child is never to be satisfied. Food, toys, various gifts, his dissatisfaction will sometimes live up to the intention that is granted to him. Insatiable, he always wants more. Otherwise, this great gourmand gets angry all red. Yet dissatisfaction is an obstacle like any other, which children must overcome on their own, regardless of the extent of their nervousness.
A test that they have to face, in order to learn better from their mistakes and gain responsibility. What if this dissatisfaction contributed to the child’s development? In any case, according to Today magazine, this invitation to more autonomy is a real “learning opportunity”.
And this autonomy does not just concern the surrounding objects or their environment, but also their emotions. “You will always be there to support them, but they will feel much more empowered by handling things by themselves without your intervention,” the media said. And if that was the right way to reconcile benevolence and authority?
For the specialized site Empowering Parents (parents’ power), their certainties should be somewhat upset by understanding “that loving our children is a major parental objective, but that it is just as important to know that you can love it without giving him the impression that he needs to be constantly satisfied. ” Would dissatisfaction have its virtues?
They don’t accept being told “no”
The heart of this dissatisfaction, precisely, is that some children want everything, right away. And refuse (viscerally) to be told “no”. They can say it, but you can’t. For the parental site Your Modern Family , understanding the “no” should not be limited to a few moral lessons or admonitions. No no, it must take a material form. Because very often, this “no” occurs when it is a question of refusing to the child the natural obtaining of an object, a toy or any good whatever within a store. Very quickly, your “no” will react to the lively and (very) loud protests of your offspring.
Faced with this embarrassing situation, not offering him the good in question is not the only solution. There is an alternative: give him a little pocket money. In moderation, once a week. Thus, the child will gradually become aware of what their choices and requirements represent. He will be able to gauge them, and take a few steps back in front of his own desires. And discover that not everything is acquired immediately, with a simple snap of the fingers, like Mary Poppins .
“Spoiling our children is probably the easiest thing we can do as parents. But learning how to keep them down to earth is a much more difficult task,” said the family platform. So go in search of a happy medium.
They are in the “me, me, me”
Would over-spoiled children be great self-centered in becoming? Perhaps, suggests to psychologist Michele Borba at the Huffington Post . Reading it, with them, everything revolves around the “me”. And more precisely “their needs, concerns, feelings, desires”. One way like another to attract attention, and above all, to be the center. Not necessarily malicious intentions in there, moreover, but the expression of a legitimate desire for total satisfaction, which you have to know how to moderate willy-nilly as parents.
Paradoxically, the psycho-educationalist develops, these children are in the “me”, but all they reflect is the “them”: the parents from whom they are inspired. “Children do what we teach them to do. If they are too permissive and never set limits, the child will not be used to respecting the appropriate limits,” said clinical psychologist Laura Markham.
For the American site today, the “me, me, me” is downright an “epidemic” in these spoiled rotten children, who would behave like real “demanding spouses, on a larger scale” (just that). The solution ? Teach children to fend for themselves. And, why not, encourage them to participate in family life, through more or less large actions , adapted to their small scale (storage, arrangement of cutlery, cleaning). Ideal to get them out of their bubble for a while and remind them that it is the “We” that counts. You will see that, once their horizons have been widened, their ego will gradually deflate like a balloon.
They are very finicky
Not giving in to their whims obviously amounts to setting off the storm. Salutes of kicks, shouts, crying … Everything is good to make your anger sound. Of course, this anger is healthy in children. It is enough to see all that this emotion tells about the social pressures which the little girls undergo for example. Or listen to the words of marital and family therapist LeNaya Smith Crawford, for whom “anger attacks can be appropriate for the development of toddlers or very young children who cannot express themselves correctly”, explains the expert at HuffPost. But beware, this anger should not, however, spin into the uncontrollable.
Of course, it’s always “easier said than done”. It is never easy not to give in to capricious children, if only occasionally. Mental burden, exhaustion, impatience, or simply the love they have for them, greatly influence the attitude to adopt. How then to retort them without giving in to blackmail? First of all, remembering like the Empowering Parents site that “emotionally, giving kids too much pleasure is not the same as loving them”. And that whim is not an end in itself. Nor the nervousness, by the way.
But also (and above all) by clearly expressing to them the absurdity of their (disproportionate) attitude, and the possibility of punishment. With clear words, without detours. “Your child is anxious for you to set barriers for yourself: this allows him to feel safe by acquiring a sense of limits,” explains the educational media. And if not to give in to the whims of our dear little blond heads would really reassure them?
They are bad losers
According to this comprehensive overview of the Best Life Online psychology site, there are at least 27 signs that prove that your child is spoiled rotten. It’s a lot, yes. But all come together on one point: his behavior is immature, especially when he interacts with others. Example? He is far too often a bad loser. And his excessive reactions during group activities clearly demonstrate this. For clinical psychologist Lori Whatley, it is therefore important to make him understand, by dialoguing, but also by playing, “that collaborating properly with others is an important part of life”.
Because the concern for over-spoiled (and narcissistic) children has a lot to do with others: it is a collective and social problem. According to the shrink, his tantrums are due to their fear of confrontation, an apprehension that he turns to his advantage by drawing attention to him. A harmful reflex, since it undermines his capacity for empathy and listening, yet necessary for his personal development. But also his politeness, closely linked to his esteem for the other. And here again, all this requires a kind of “education to the other” on your part. And it can take the form of little things. Encourage him to exchange his toys, for example, to introduce him to sharing.
“While it’s okay for kids to be self-absorbed at certain ages and have trouble separating from things that are very important to them, your child should be able to be generous. Whether it’s by giving a toy to a crying playmate or to donate toys that he no longer uses to families who cannot afford them, “suggests marriage and family therapist Virginia Williamson. We notice !
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